“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2

“You will keep the man in perfect peace whose mind is set on You because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3

I’ve heard it said before, “If you want to know where your heart is…look where your mind goes when it wanders.” Isn’t that true!? And boy, would my mind wander during the adoption process! I would see a cute newborn baby girl outfit at Target and my heart and mind would wander. I would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder, what if I go to every Dr. apt with Stephanie and I get so attached to the baby and her? Am I just causing myself unnecessary future pain? What if our children’s hearts get broken because we’ve allowed them to know too much about this process? My heart and mind would wander.

Often, I still find my heart and mind will wander. What if our sweet baby girl has deep rooted emotional pain from her adoption? What if our baby grows up to really dislike us? What if one of us gets hit by a bus and dies? There are so many ways our hearts and minds wander.

But God said, “set your mind on things above.” It’s the image of literally taking a thought captive like the Bible says. Holding it and not letting it go “there” and turning it around to set it on Christ instead. When I would think about the situation instead of my Savior my heart would be filled with fear but when I would think about my Savior and all his promises and who he is my heart would be filled with joy, peace, contentment, trust and security. I knew my heart was safe in him and him alone.

It just takes turning. Turning my mind and heart towards Christ. I often pray, “Lord, set my heart on you.” He loves to do that and he will!!

Our church band, Vertical Worship, has a song called “Set my Heart” which describes this perfectly. It was the first song on my Adoption Playlist. More on that playlist to come. For now, read the lyrics and you will totally understand why this song is so perfect!!

“Quiet the voice of doubt again,
Echo within me every promise,
Let Your Word be louder than my fears.
Speak to the void when I can’t see,
Lift up my head in every valley,
Let your joy be greater than my grief.

I have set my heart,
Set my, set my heart on You.
You have every part of me,
I set my heart on You.

You make a way when none is found,
You tell the roaring ocean to bow.
I believe You’re moving even now,
Right here, right now.

I have set my heart,
Set my, set my heart on You.
You have every part of me,
I set my heart on You.

I have set my heart,
Set my, set my heart on You.
You have every part of me,
I set my heart on You.
I set my, set my heart on You.

Nothing will ever break me, ever slay me,
All my hope in You.
Nothing will ever shake me, overtake me,
All my hope in You.” ~Vertical Worship

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good…”  Psalm 136:1

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”  Matthew 7:11

God is good.  We hear this when we receive a good gift from him.  But what happens if we don’t get what we want?  Is he still good?

Going through the adoption process isn’t for the faint of heart!  The rollercoaster of emotions, the unknowns, the waiting, the longing, the hopes and fears, all of it make the process so refining.

I read the book, “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller, early in our adoption process.  He was telling the story of a young girl who desperately wanted to be married but she was content with whatever God had for her.  She would remind herself, “If I get married, it is because God is so good to me.   If I don’t get married, it is because God is so good to me.”   Those two sentences were game changers for my heart.

I immediately went to my drawer and pulled out my cute card stock paper where I write new things God is teaching me.  I wrote in big bold handwriting…

“If she is ours, it is because God is so good to us.

If she isn’t ours, it is because God is so good to us.”

Because it’s true, right?  God knows what’s best for us.  He gives us what is good for us and in his sovereign way he can work out either option for our good.  I wanted my heart to be content with that…His goodness to us.  No matter what. It took a constant turning of my heart towards him and his goodness.

We were going to name our daughter Natalie Joy.  It’s what we would have named our son, Cade, had he been a girl and we’ve always liked the name.  We liked how easily Olivia, Josiah, Cade & Natalie rolled off the tongue.

I began to have a deeper relationship with Stephanie and I really started to respect her and like her as a friend.  She is funny!  She’s super sweet and we have so much in common.  Her quiet strength and deep care for others, especially the life of her then unborn child, kept opening my heart to love her more.  One day she casually asked me if I had a name for the baby.  In my mind, I did but God was doing something in my heart that I didn’t know how to explain. My answer came out something like, “we have some ideas but nothing set in stone yet.  Why? Do you have any thoughts?”  Saying those words somehow gave me more clarity.  I knew right then, I wanted to honor Stephanie somehow with what we named the baby.  But how?  She briefly mentioned something about liking K names.  Her daughter, Kendall, who I had not yet met but would one day fall in love with, was obviously given a K name.  I had never thought once about a K name.

I was deeply asleep, probably dreaming about what an amazing husband I have when I startled awake with a crazy desire to look up K names online.  There I was I scrolling through hundreds of K names online at 2 am when I saw it.

Names mean something.  It’s more than just liking the sound or how easily they roll off the tongue, I have to have some sort of connection with the name.  Olivia Joy was named “joy” because of the verse in Psalms “..and their mouths were filled with laughter and their lips with shouts of joy!”.  Josiah Nole was named Josiah because “Josiah did what was right in the eyes of the Lord.”  Cade Matthew was named Cade because he would “have a spirit of fire for the Lord”.

Stephanie’s middle name is Kay.  My middle name is Lea, but pronounced Lee.  When you put the two together you get Kaylee.  And guess what?!  It’s a K name!  But even better, it means PURE.  Kaylee Joy was named that moment, my husband just didn’t know it yet!   If this baby was going to be ours, her name was going to mean Pure Joy!! I loved how it honored her precious birth mom and the picture of the two of us coming together to love this girl for life.  Stephanie loved her into life and we both will love her through life.  (Looking back now, I can’t imagine Kaylee named anything but Kaylee. It is so perfect for her!)

But why name the site Pure Joy Adoption?  What if this process is anything but pure or joyful?  Good question, I’m glad you asked!  I believe God desires ALL adoptions to be Pure Joy.  Because God LOVES adoption. Ephesians 1:5+6 says “he predestined us for ADOPTION through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the PRAISE of his glorious grace.”  The interesting part is that apart from God adoptions aren’t able to be joyful.  The cold fact that a child’s natural parents are unable to care for them is a grievous, not joyful thing.  But God, in his sovereignty does what he always does.  He redeems and “gives back what the locusts have taken” (Joel 2:25).  He alone can make beauty from ashes.

But how can I be joyful when I don’t know if this baby will be ours or my child is a world away in a foreign country tied up in legal red tape?  Apart from God, you can’t.  HE must be our sense of Joy, our contentment.  Our hearts must be set on HIM.  If we get stuck in all the fears, the unknowns, the emotions of adoption we will never find joy in it.  But when we place our hearts, our hopes, fears, emotions, all of us, in HIM we receive HIS JOY to fill us.  It gives our waiting a purpose.  2 Corinthians 4:17 says “for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that FAR outweighs them all.” Gods word is truth.  Adoption doesn’t always feel “light” or “momentary” but if God says our troubles are light and momentary then…they are.  We can trust him that these troubles are producing an eternal glory that far outweighs them all and THAT brings PURE JOY to our hearts, knowing we can rest in him as we wait.  Or, in the case of the birth mothers…we can rest in Him knowing he is producing an eternal glory that far outweighs this momentary pain and will use this ALL for his glory.